Thanks and Good Bye

To all you who are still reading this....it's time for me to end it here.

Korea is my love and it will always be true.

Sarang.

xoxo
//m

Same, same, same.

I'm back in the States. It's the same thing here now as it was when I first left about a year ago. Same, same, same.

Please let me stay here. PLEASE….

Please let me stay here. PLEASE….

I feel lonelier than I ever have.
I feel a despair I’ve never experienced until now.
I struggle to stand up, to smile and mean it.
Everyday is a battle.
Against you. Against me. Against. Against. Against.
I struggle to think clearly.
Some moments are worse and some are just bad.
I try to live in the moments I have still before I have to leave what I love.
For yes, I love.
My love.

Please let me stay here. PLEASE….

I want to scream at the top of my lungs and make it go away.
I want to do anything to MAKE IT GO AWAY.
But I can’t.
This time I can’t.
It’s not about me.
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT.
NONE.
It’s all happening in front of me, and there is nothing I can do.
It’s the third time in my life that I’ve been taught that relying on other people is only for those who hope
I don’t hope anymore.
All I have is myself.
I feel so helpless. So small. So insignificant. So worthless. So alone.

Please let me stay here. PLEASE….

I question myself, even though it’s not my doing.
I question myself more than I ever have.
Why do I deserve this?
What did I do to deserve this?
What did I not do to deserve this?

Please let me stay here. PLEASE….

I question my value as a person.
I question people.
I question myself.
I question whether I can ever live again.
Can I live without my love?
I question that I can ever find the happiness again, the happiness I’ve just found.
I am afraid it will never come again.

Please let me stay here. PLEASE….

What do I do?
The sadness.
The anger.
The disappointment.
The broken promises.
The tears.
The fear.
The loneliness.
The mistrust.
The LIES LIES LIES.
I am afraid I will turn into a puddle of tears on the floor.
It hurts so bad.
It hurts to leave this place.
It hurts to leave the people I love.
It hurts to leave my love.

Please let me stay here. PLEASE….

For here I am.
And I love.