Please let me stay here. PLEASE….
I feel lonelier than I ever have.
I feel a despair I’ve never experienced until now.
I struggle to stand up, to smile and mean it.
Everyday is a battle.
Against you. Against me. Against. Against. Against.
I struggle to think clearly.
Some moments are worse and some are just bad.
I try to live in the moments I have still before I have to leave what I love.
For yes, I love.
My love.
Please let me stay here. PLEASE….
I want to scream at the top of my lungs and make it go away.
I want to do anything to MAKE IT GO AWAY.
But I can’t.
This time I can’t.
It’s not about me.
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT.
NONE.
It’s all happening in front of me, and there is nothing I can do.
It’s the third time in my life that I’ve been taught that relying on other people is only for those who hope
I don’t hope anymore.
All I have is myself.
I feel so helpless. So small. So insignificant. So worthless. So alone.
Please let me stay here. PLEASE….
I question myself, even though it’s not my doing.
I question myself more than I ever have.
Why do I deserve this?
What did I do to deserve this?
What did I not do to deserve this?
Please let me stay here. PLEASE….
I question my value as a person.
I question people.
I question myself.
I question whether I can ever live again.
Can I live without my love?
I question that I can ever find the happiness again, the happiness I’ve just found.
I am afraid it will never come again.
Please let me stay here. PLEASE….
What do I do?
The sadness.
The anger.
The disappointment.
The broken promises.
The tears.
The fear.
The loneliness.
The mistrust.
The LIES LIES LIES.
I am afraid I will turn into a puddle of tears on the floor.
It hurts so bad.
It hurts to leave this place.
It hurts to leave the people I love.
It hurts to leave my love.
Please let me stay here. PLEASE….
For here I am.
And I love.
